By the time elementary school ended I still had a great deal of love for animals, though now a better understanding of how people loved to kill them. I became aware of the reasons beyond hunting for food that people would kill for and I was quite disturbed by it all, since I felt that we were just a type of animal. Also furthermore, in high school when I realized how little meat a person needed to eat. Yeah I know, I was a bit of a hippie for a child.
By the final year of elementary school I had just lost my best friend Justin to the lure of popularity and dating. I always thought I would marry the guy, its like we were in sync when playing sports together and it just seemed how the world worked that you would marry your best friend. When girls started to hone in however I found my submissive side come in and I backed off. I was scared about what would happen if I tried to put it to question. I was scared of asking him to just stay and keep hanging with me. Since I was no longer always with him, I was forced to spend much more time at home alone. Alone only in the sense though, since I had a good chunk of siblings running around our huge (and haunted) house. I started taking a liking to hanging out in my closet somewhere around this time and hanging out with my imaginary friend (:p). The strongest memory I have from when I was just getting into high school, was how alone I was at this time, but how it hit me hard when my older sister walked me to school and right to my classroom. It was something I held onto for a long time, even now it being one of the memories that kept me trying to keep tabs with her. Who would have figured it would mean so much to me, it was likely that mom told her she had to anyway, but oh well, I would rather think it was the first time my sister felt really like a sister. The next few years were full of reading, biking and hanging out (pretty much solely) with my girly friend whom had issues with considering me her best friend since, well, I was lame. I started getting into Wicca and fell into a depression. I spent many winter evenings sitting on the largest hill just outside town wishing to be back in magical B.C.. I sat watching the sky till I could barely feel my legs anymore, and long after I could no longer feel my face. I spent my summers sitting on one of the hills surrounding the pond, staring off into nothingness. I mourned not having the people who mattered so much to me in my life anymore. I napped while straddling trees out of town and felt the most comfort in being with nature. My home life seemed to be full of me standing there while everyone yelled and screamed at me, and me living in my closet or leaving the house for hours to just be alone somewhere. I remember one particularly scarring time when my mother told my step father that she was leaving and not coming back, slamming the door. Leaving me there. Abandoning me. I started to think about suicide. The world was cruel and full of hate, it was disgusting.
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Kris
I am a Bi+Trans geeky student who is all about Gaming, Music, Drawing, Writing, Anime, Comic books, and Web comics. Categories
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April 2016
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