So life has become a bit of a hectic struggle. But eventually I will find a bit of order in this chaotic mess! And I am behind in school. So afraid to fall too far behind. Unable to cope I may end up taking my counsellors advice and drop a course so I can take the three next semester... but I kinda don't like that lol.
Also I am in the throws of finding some bit of happiness. I am enveloped in a book called The Happiness Project which after I plan on reading Eat Pray Love. Then after that there are all the books on my bookshelf. This is all a part of my Day Zero Project. This basically means that I plan on completing a list of 101 things to do in 1001 days! So excited! http://dayzeroproject.com/user/japetagon And well that's my update so far! May the Force be with you!
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So it has been a while since I have last made an entry. I must admit I have missed this blog. And lately my joy for life has dwindled because of school work is taking over my spare moments in life. I should be spending that 9 hours to every hour of class doing the work that needs to be done, but I am losing steam! Seriously wearing myself THIN! Soon enough all social obligations are going to go kaput!
As far as school goes, I had a meeting with my funding counsellor today and got the go ahead to drop courses. The problem with that is none of the courses I am in are currently droppable. I need Character Study 2 in order to move into Character Study 3 next semester. I want to graduate by next December so I can't drop my Thesis course and Elucidata, Screenwriting, Short Story Sequence are not offered yearly. so FML I'm stuck with them! Well I also believe that I am running my course. I feel this need that I have to break out and begin to burn bright like I used to. I think I will have to launch an independent blog eventually so I can write without restrictions. I'm not saying it's a bad thing having a collectively written blog, but I also think I worry about tainting everyone else's posts. Weebly has been kind. But I think what I need is something I can access through my BlackBerry. Something I can do on the run. I know that's why I have Twitter, but I think I also need something that can include a forum where more than 140 characters are writable. And of course maybe I will use an RSS link to this blog to keep any readers that may linger here to it. I don't know not sure. Of course these are only thoughts. but that's all for now. Oh and of course: HI RICHIE!! First finger, second string, second fret.
Second finger, third string, second fret.A slow strum. One string at a time. A resonating vibration in E minor, bouncing off the sloped ceiling and walls of a bedroom bathed in blue. From the top again, fingers don't move. From first string down to the sixth. The sound goes up, goes down and ends. Absorbed in laundry waiting for time to be washed. Outside the window the tree is white. Winter frosted the world. The ground, three floors down, sparkles even in the shadow of the house. The bed behind me, an island stands in solitude surrounded by a sea of chaos. First finger, fifth string, first fret. Second finger, third string, second fret. Third finger, fourth string, second fret. Strum it again. A minor. Sounds that play, to never hear another ear. Words are sung that don't leave a door, Cracked down the middle. I'm a man, desolated in madness. Perhaps the door can be barricaded, and hold the world at bay. Perhaps I can hide. The only moral to the story called life that I have learned is this: People always leave. A desperate plea, an appeasement to find something good. In the time of my brothers we have seen abuses of power, a revitalization of culture. New forms of internalized discrimination. Addictions are not increasing, they're changing. Gossip no longer takes time to travel while social networking can be done from anywhere via text. Our parents found out about the worlds affairs waiting for the six o'clock news. Something now ready at our fingertips in an instant. Quality of news is coffee tales and gossip, Mr. Journalist scrambles for a headline Tweet: "PRINT MEDIA IS DEAD" In the '90's the ozone layer was depleting, now it's healing. The world's on fire! World on fire! It is getting warmer, low lying lands in danger. Glaciers missing, stolen by an invisible hot stranger. Good-bye Churchill, Good-bye home? It's low enough, we'll see. Plastic or paper? Do I miss free options? At 10 cents a bag, maybe I do. Reuse for a two cent reduction in the cost of fears, at least when a boat goes down main street I can shrug: "It's not my fault, I reused." Barricade my bedroom door, I'm not leaving for sure! For sure, for sure. Blood used to be the ultimate price. Now blood, is cheap and inconsistent. Your clean blood cannot be used to save a life because you slept with someone of the same sex. Sorry! Retraction! Only if you slept with a man who slept with another man, or are a man who slept with another man. Men can marry men, and women can marry women. Sick sin! Sick and Sin! Yet headlines told us that Latorneau slept with her younger male student, who is the sick one? "Oh my how times have changed" sings out Pfeiffer. Run along fat child. String up the pop corn and cookie cutter children. When will we be able to listen and allow children to talk? When will we find a cure for the suicide epidemic? Forever stuck running to a bottle or a pill. Listen to the pharmacist, pharmacists are good. Taxation and regulation make drugs good. Shall we salute the Robin Hood's of our time? Say no because they're drugging our children as much as the adults. "Think of the children!" Screams Mrs. Lovejoy. Point out the dealers and fiends only if they aren't your friends or family. In the wilds of home family still means something. No one takes death home out here anymore. "Polish the funeral parlor floors, we have a 3:15 booking." The lingo of mainstream mannequins are now in our heads. Count your calories and split a diet coke. Does anyone remember LOL? The Little Old Lady is now Laughing Out Loud. Madness can continue, neighbors remain faceless. When the murder is done and the reporters are knocking down the doors, cracking them down their middles, they can only say: "He was so quiet." The truth be told in the subtitles: "I didn't know him at all." To the punch of a mad mans rambling, coming up on the news at 5, 6 and 11! In 95 years my great grandmother saw the world at war, twice. Still here I am descendant of a marriage arranged. Unable to fathom having someone chosen for me to marry. First finger, second string, second fret. Second finger, third string, second fret. Execute a quick strum on all strings, six notes ring out for a harmonious chord in E minor. Voices open to an imprecise language being told what to think, some ability lost to the masses. Have we lost the ability to perceive the truth? Burn a Qu'ran and prove that ignorance still hurts. There must be a cure for the human epidemic. To save us from ourselves. Tell me a story, please world, to calm my fears. Can anyone remember the trio of infinitesimal swine? Surely not the bovine that forcefully elevated itself over Earths satellite. Blue bedroom walls, ease my anxiety. Hold me in place. Madness I say. Madness! A mouth that does not know the Native tongue can still bid you adieu. Bonsoir monseur! Arrivaderci! Scuse! Bonjourno! Bonjourno! Senore Signora! Welcome back to my humble abode! So I have been on a bit of a Twitter Frenzy lately... and spent my morning on there looking people up. That's about it from there, and How shocking is that shooting in the US? Well my thoughts and prayers go out to the families.
But in spite of all that, I am in a good mood today! And even thinking of recording a bit today but so far that notion is just a notion with no follow through! And I am a bit hungry right now, not so sure what I want to eat, but I do know that tonight I am going to throw some moose meat in the slow cooker and take some over to my ol' Native Studies Prof! I just love visiting that woman, every time I leave there I always feel so refreshed and happy. Heh heh! Oh and speaking of food, my Aunt back home was barred from the local Diner. I find that strange, like what the fuck does she ever do? Meh honestly I ate there during the holidays and the Menu promises the best in home cooking, BULLSHIT! lol My food took forever to get cooked and when it finally came they got the order wrong and my fries were cold. The burger itself wasn't so bad, but it wasn't great either. When someone asked me how the food was I simply said at about a 5... out of ten. Fries were definitely a 2. Oh and I set up my Italian Easel last night and the thing is GORGEOUS! I just don't know what or if I am going to paint. Been trying my hardest to write some poetry for class. I have some hits going on but a whole lot of misses! Oh so excited! I am so far loving this semester! It's going to be a lot of work but hoping it is worth it! This is an entry JUST FOR RICHIE!
I am sorry I hurt your feelings for ditching you and your Left4Dead to go to my bedroom and NAP! it was a long day OK?? :P Anyways.. There ya go Richie... Happy? lol Ok well it has been a while since I have posted anything. I blame the holidays! I don't even really know what to write. Everyone always asks how were the holidays, and I honestly don't want to answer this question. The best answer I can give is simply "It was OK, I survived" and give a reassuring laugh.
But well onwards and upwards! My first week of the second semester is finally at a close! and so far, the classes I have gone to are AMAZING! Multimedia Poetry and Character Study focusing on Shakespeare... SO EXCITED! :P I really am at a loss of things to write about. So for some other time... Ciao! So I have done it again.. But I have to ask you... Why is it that when singing, that most people (including myself) have the most awful facial expressions. Oh well here I present my take on Johnny Cash's rendition of the classic Nine Inch Nails song: Hurt. Enjoy :) This bed, I'm normally alone in, but tonight is different. He's normally not here but well I guess when a friend needs a place to sleep I guess it's ok to share.
Now you see Brent is a nice guy. Lately he has been growing on me and beoming a great friend. I'm not sure if I can tell him everything but I know I can tell him a lot. Tick. Tick. Tick. Time goes by, and all I can do is think. Think. But what am I to do? This guy here in my arms, he's been so nice in many ways. Like his smell. It's human, not some synthetic smell. It's nice. Too nice. He's everything perfect. But how long ago has it been since he stopped being the threat and someone I yearn to have? What about his ex? She's my best friend. I shouldn't even be doing this. Listen. That sound is him breathing. So calm, so peaceful. How can it be? He's always so busy and stressed. There's so much to him. I would love to get to know him so much better. It can't be, we can't be. I can't keep holding onto him like this. I have to turn away from him. But he turns over and is now holding me. And it is nice. Too nice. Tick. Tick. Tick. I hate that I can't sleep, but I love that I can stay awake for this. I hate that I'll have to remember this, but I love it for the same reason. He makes noises as he sleeps. And all I can do is ponder if I am in his dreams, or if he even has dreams at all. We could be any two people in the world. Rhett and Scarlet. Brian and Justin. Any two people. But no, it is just us. Me and Brent. Brent and I. The night is lonely and cold, but not tonight. It is everything but loenly and cold. It is poetic. It is wonderful. It is tragic. It is ironic. A true contradiction. So how does my night end? In a consummation, a surrendering to the night. Carried through by the hands of time. Tick. Tick. T-i-c-k. But the only thing I could think of then was that old poetry book I was given as a kid. To that one poem, to which one line defines all I think of myself. One line for all that I am: 'Wild or tame, can you love a monster of a frightful name?' This was written for a short fiction class that I took last year. This has aspects of real events but not everything was actually as written. I did have a sleep over with a friend and there was some attraction to him, however I think it was mostly because of a bad break up that occured in the spring that year. So glad that is all over honestly. But the most important thing was that the emotional actions that happened in this piece of prose poetry didn't happen. Was So I decided to take a break from the essay that is due today... I am on the home stretch I hope! but yeah going to take a few to sort out what I have written so far and Make sure that it all proves my point. I really don't remember what that point is anymore. something on how British Theatre really hasn't changed in the course of a century but it really is a comparison between two playwrights, Shaw and Ravenhill. While listening to Strange Music... lol I found myself on Emily Strange's website. and Yes some of it is strange. But I heard some songs that I have quite enjoyed. Like wellI dont know what song this is but CareBears on Fire are pretty good! whereas Nick Cave is just... weird lol!
Oh and for those who wondered why I posted porn... I thought I already explained it... IT'S FUCKING PTERODACTYL PORN!!! It was something just SO incredibly fucked up that I couldn't leave it to the recesses of my mind to leave it to myself. And before you decide to begin thinking that I just go scoping out strange porn, no this one was brought to my attention by a friend, and it mulled in my mind to the point where I just had to see it. I am a naturally curious person and well, I am also a person who seeks revenge upon the world in strange ways for nothing and everything all at the smae time. Now I guess I will go back and start revising some of my paper now. Just so I don't have a HUGE thing to rework once I am Well it has been 5 days since my last post, but there have been things going on offline in my life. It is after all Rush Week and I have two essays and three looming exams coming up and admittedly I am AFRAID! But well I know I will do fine with at least three of my four classes this term and hopefully the fourth will do fine. But moving on as I do not want to dwell on that.
I guess what I really want to do is give everyone a moment where they realize they will never be the same again. And of course this will take some of us back to the time of the Dinosaurs. Of course in this situation it would never happen but the moment is nonetheless funny. And I also realize that this does serve an erotic purpose, but to me I feel so disillusioned. Like my childhood has suddenly grown up with me and is making a living in the porn industry. And here it is, my gift to you all: http://www.pornotube.com/channels.php?channelId=202&m=1672938 |
Jack BeaverhausenI am a contradiction! An artist with eclectic taste and blunt honesty! Archives
February 2011
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