Man.
Be proud you are the privileged who don’t have to worry about the problems that a woman faces. What do you think about what a boy goes through as he is raised? Boys. You live under the threat of being the sissy, pussy or wimp. You cant play with dolls, you cant like purple or pink. Upon mention, ensure that your disgust is believable. You cannot pretend to be or idolize a female character without being told you cant or receiving laughter even from the adults around. You must grow up fast, shake off the fall, ignore the scrapes and bruises, cant be hugged too much or you will grow up weak. You must not complain. You grin and bear it. Hope you grow up tall, too short and you will never find someone to date. Too thin and you will be considered a dork. Avoid your mothers and keep your distance or be branded a mommas boy and teased. Cant cry. Hair too long and your masculinity will be stripped from you as guys smirk and call you miss. Cant talk too much and share what’s on your mind for fear of being told how you are such a girl. Don’t ever let a girl stick up for you. Waiver and you get beat up. Suck it up. Pathetic, you cant even take a punch. Your life will be a fight to maintain enough masculinity for your parents to not give you a hard time. All you need now is to hear the worry in their voice as they start getting involved. All you need is for them to give you advice. You are pathetic. Too many fuck ups make you a girl or fag. If you cant party then you are lame, must be able to hold your alcohol, must keep drinking, hopefully you wont pass out and they draw dicks on your face with permanent marker. Hope an acceptable girl takes a fancy to you in high school so that you wont be called a cocksucker. Pray all class the teacher doesn’t ask you to come up and solve the equation. Hope no one realizes why you stayed in the classroom late. Hope no one noticed your boner. Hope no one realizes what and who you were thinking when you got it. Crap! This doesn’t happen to guys who get laid. You cant just be friends with a girl, you have to see them as an object, what are you? Gay!? Hope that you are not smaller than the guys in your class, hope your pubes have filled out as much as everyone else’s. Talk the talk walk the walk. Quickly loose the V-card before every loser in your class does before you. Don’t slip up. Don’t fuck up. The guys say its easy to please a girl, to make them moan, they are really hoes under it all. They bow to the cock. Don’t screw up. Cant you get it up? Not too soon……… not too late. Are you done yet? You are so awkward are you sure you have ever been with a girl those other times? Not yet! Think of trees, flowers, don’t be a minute man again she will think you are always like this. Now is where it gets easy, here is your life plan, high school-date girls, finish school, sleep around and figure out this sex thing, job, wife, house, kid, dog…got it? Its easy.
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Like any person I have my own personal weaknesses. I have opinions, I have passions. Its obvious that all of them don’t meld with popular opinion. I would be a feminist with my respect for women, sexism and inequality. Once I hit puberty it was like the world lost its interest in helping me fulfil my interests. I still don’t understand why I couldn’t live my dream and become a knight. Everyone kept trying to straighten me out and push me to become someone I was uncomfortable with being. I was yelled at for not wanting to dress like someone I wasn’t. Women are bodies, they are on display to be looked at and evoke interest. I can barely see any women around my age without seeing them in categories. I don’t mind hoes, at least they are honest and aware of being looked at. I just don’t like it when some go on about drama or feminism. Feminists around here get into the habit of complaining too much and not listening to themselves or others. I would have continued my interest in woodwork if I had had the chance back in high school, pressure pressure pressure.. I have watched my mother be treated like some idiot wife. I have faced living with a guy who expected me to stay at home and not socialize but to try to study quietly at home while the boyfriend ate at his computer every night. A guy who couldn’t manage to keep up with chores or cleaning. I have watched girls treat good guys like shit because they are guys without ever knowing much about them. I have heard their rants about which abortion clinic was really great and didn’t make them feel guilty at all, at the amount that they knew it was like this was their main form of birth control. I suppose the pill makes you gain some weight, so its useful to go the abortion path, I mean you would likely loose some weight after something like that…uh.. I mean like beyond the baby pounds. I was tempted on numerous occasions to start leaving coat hangers on the door of the women’s group on campus. A bunch of middle class white chicks talking about how big the ring their guy just gave them, how they bought this great $200 tea dress to celebrate, how its awful that people still aren’t supportive of abortions and how men are terrible sexist things. I like kids but despise how many men cant grasp the mommy things like diapers, socks, snacks and a jacket. I also think that girls are real twats about raising their children. Its been within women’s ability to start changing opinions through their child rearing but they still treat their children differently based on sex. They start helping their girls get a grasp on everything, even getting them to start with child rearing, becoming attuned to others emotions, cooking, cleaning, and multitasking. The boys still young find themselves segregated and expected to figure things out on their own or idolize their father who tends to not be present. So of course they end up different. What else do they have left than to end up filling up their time with either ideas of masculinity or other boys off tying to find their places as well. Should I be sorry for blaming the mother of a 17 year old boy who cannot do laundry or cook his own food? In some cases it feels like it should be known cases of neglect. I know many guys who have deep insecurities surrounding things that if ever discussed would never have been issues. Have watched them turn out aggression and passive aggression because they could not release the emotions or talk about it. Once again a new generation moulded to fit old stereotypes with little wiggle space. I have fought with my gender and women’s professor for a lengthily time over a list of what checks would need to be fine for a community to be gender equal. There were no checks for males. My father fought for partial custody of his three kids. My stepmother an alcoholic. He paid everything for her and for the kids while the kids remained with him anyway. He was a workaholic and ill prepared to suddenly be faced with having to help them get through a divorce while he still held a broken heart. In his eyes he had failed at life. For his marriage was done. We weren’t the easiest to understand and take care of. I never had a conversation with my father until I was nearly 18 my siblings at least connected much before that. Work doesn’t give any freedom, why would men have to worry about kids or their family, expectations are that if you have kids you have a wife that takes care of them. Time expectations are high. </rant> My apologies for my lack of proper grammar lately, it am having more troubles than usual writing something that makes sense. I will have to go back and reread my blogs written when I was sick and fix them up a bit.
I have mentioned reading a decent chunk of comic books lately due to finding a good sale and have decided to just toss in the list I was making of them anyway. I by no means have read all of them yet but will be over the next few months. This is a good time to mention that my love of comic books developed on the DC side, which is where most of my favourite characters remain. The sale items were almost all marvel, which I suggest happened because everyone is willing to pay full price for DC, thus Marvel clutters up the clearance racks. :p Its nice to have a chance to cut marvel since I am currently outnumbered with my friends allegiances. X-men and spider-man-gage and alberti X-men legacy-Divided he stands X-treme x-men- storm the arena Wolverine First Class-Ninjas, gods, and divas(13-16) X-factor secret invasion-David, Stroman, De landro, cucca Black Panther(storm marriage) Young x-men- Books of revelations(6-12) Young Avengers-Family matters(7-12) Runaways-Dead end kids (25-30) Runaways/Young avengers-Secret invasion(1-3) The mighty avengers-Secret invasion The avengers the initiative-secret invasion(14-19) Thunderbolts(106-109) Peter Parker Spider-man-one small break(27-28, 30-34) The pulse spiderman(1-5) Spider-man and the Black Cat-The evil that men do(1-6) Ultimate Spider-man-clone saga(97-105) Ultimate Spider-man-War of Symbiotes(123-128) The Amazing spider-man-Family ties Friendly Neighborhood spider-man-Derailed The Amazing spider-man -Secret invasion Marvel 70th Anniversary Collection Fantastic Four-Michael straczynski(527-532) Robin the teen wonder I have found some great comics and series’ in this bunch, finding a few that I hope to collect more of. The ones that were not in my taste only drained me a few dollars each, so thankfully I hold no regrets. I have always loved the Spider-man comics and am only a few volumes away from the end of the Ultimate Spider-man series. I have heard many good things about the young avengers and runaways comics and admit they have been good so far. The secret Invasion books have evoked some love/hate from me thus far. I might have a better feel of which writers/illustrators I like after getting through this batch but because of the great mass of them at one time its impossible to want to review them when there are more to read still. After the first day of getting a stack of comics I decided I should brush up on comics that had some LGBT characters. After going through info on the different groups I managed to find a nice batch on sale and on eBay to check out how the characters are developed and portrayed. So far I just find myself in love with the characters and relieved that it is often not their whole story or personality. The variety actually reminds me of myself and my friends. I hope I still feel this way after reading more. Please enjoy this brilliant poem done by well loved and known children’s book author Edward Gorey. This can be put in the category of my creepy sense of humour which also holds a great deal of dead baby jokes. Now lets pretend that I did not spend a good hour trying to memorize this so that I may recite it at terribly awkward/inappropriate times.
The Ghastly Crumb Tinies: By Edward Gorey A is for Amy who fell down the stairs. B is for Basil assaulted by bears. C is for Clair who wasted away. D is for Desmond thrown out of the sleigh. E is for Ernest who choked on a peach. F is for Fanny, sucked dry by a leech. G is for George, smothered under a rug. H is for Hector, done in by a thug. I is for Ida who drowned in the lake. J is for James who took lye, by mistake. K is for Kate who was struck with an axe. L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks. M is for Maud who was swept out to sea. N is for Nevil who died of ennui. O is for Olive, run through with an awl. P is for Prue, trampled flat in a brawl. Q is for Quinton who sank in a mire. R is for Rhoda, consumed by a fire. S is for Susan who perished of fits. T is for Titas who blew into bits. U is for Una who slipped down a drain. V is for Victor, squashed under a train. W is for Winie, embedded in ice. X is for Xerxes, devoured by mice. Y is for Yoric whose head was bashed in. Z is for Zilla who drank too much gin. Believe it or not we were reminded of this nice series that includes pictures, by the recent children’s book I bought, The Dangerous Alphabet, done by Neil Gaiman and Gris Grimly which was beautifully illustrated to include many disturbing scenes filled with dastardly things. Though because the river they are boating through includes a dead and decomposing broken dog, I might just hold off on the age appropriateness of 5 years and delay giving it to my niece and nephew. Though to balance the dog one of the first pictures involves men in trench coats luring the kids with candy then proceeding to toss children into burlap sacks and go sell them in the child slave market does make me want to educate my sisters offspring faster on such dangers. Now to convince my sister of their true educational value… I am sick again. Yay. This means once its noticed my friends will start telling me how pathetic I am, and my mother will continue to say that I am only sick because I am stressed. Why wouldn’t I be, look at my queer friends, school and volunteer work that I do. Obviously these things are the ills of my life that cause me a great deal of havoc. She has even decided that when my appendix was failing last year and I ended up in the hospital to have it removed before it ruptured that it was obvious that it was stress that did it. I have enough of a complex after spending months with undiagnosed appendix problems until I was in an emergency surgery and the slow recovery of an anemic stitch ripping to give me insecurities.
I do not need someone telling me that every cold, flu or batch of food poisoning that hits me in a year is the result of stress. When I pair up that with my professors treatment of that year as my fault it just boils down to me feeling like my being sick is because I am a profound idiot whom cannot go to class without having to take a sick day to deal with the stress of getting into the door that day. Essentially my mothers views point the finger to me as well, surely helping me fester a feeling of incompetence and self blame whenever I get ill. To add to my mothers complaints, I have gained a friend who spends the time telling me that its just obvious lies and excuses to escape deadlines. Between the two of them I can understand the stress theory since they both sum up to be a huge daily headache and pain in the ass. Thanks assholes. Thanks. I am currently hoping to find someone to go with me to see Incendies. Last year I got the pleasure of watching a local play of Scorched and it was fantastic. Disturbing but fantastic. Even though the movie wont hold the extra work the talented actors got to put in to make it stage worthy, it will likely feel like you are living it, which is disturbing in its own way. I was sad I missed out on the animated movie The Illusionist (same director as The Triplets of Bellville). I am still patiently waiting for GREEN LANTERN, THOR, Captain America and DEADPOOL, RED SONJA, as well as, the next SPIDERBATX-IronSupeWOLVIE movies.
I have been reading various mangas such as Tsubasa Resevoir Chronicles, Various Yaoi and Yuri, as well as reading some Full metal alchemist and Inuyasha online again. TRC I have insurmountable respect for, having overlapping stories and characters so unique, lovable, and intertwined that I can only wish one day to imitate. As for watching I am enjoying season 2 of gargoyles the animated series(only during lunch breaks of course) and some Big Bang Theory. Finally I decided to return to a good manga and comic store as I had previously promised (A year ago.. ^^’’’’) and found out that they are closing down in only a few months. I now have been absorbed in comic books like a teenage boy with his first playboy. Broke my glasses trying to protect them from a bar night and now am blind but somehow quite addicted to reading manga right now despite having to pop Tylenol for the torture it is putting my eyes through. This reminds me of why I got glasses in the first place, so that I could freaking read ALL day and wouldn’t get migraines. Despite all the reading its mostly been off topic, 60’s are not my kind of marks at all though, I will have to step it up a notch I am impressing nobody with such lousy grades. I have been working full time lately, and trying to stay sane while feeling antisocial, myself and T-girl are looking for a place together, though its a frightening idea for me since I am much happier alone. All this place searching evokes my desire for an actual kitchen, bookshelf and maybe someday in the future a drawing table and keyboard or piano. Have been drawing quite a bit with and without glasses which were interesting, will toss some up soon. Been listening to some Vampire weekend, Queen, David Bowie, Panic at the disco, Franz Ferdinand, K-Os and Ra Ra Riot. Sprinkled with some New Radicals, Paper Planes, Fuck you, Under Pressure, and Smooth Criminal.
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Kris
I am a Bi+Trans geeky student who is all about Gaming, Music, Drawing, Writing, Anime, Comic books, and Web comics. Categories
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April 2016
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