Have managed to kick that habit for long enough now to consider it gone for a good long while. Yay me! I still can have a Batman like voice when I want to, but the extensive lung capacity frightens me, how can you breathe when there is so much air in your lungs! O,o The credit really should go to my friend coming back into town and my fear that they would start bugging me about it. I
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Sorry for not posting in a while, will shortly be going back to posting at least every other day. I got sick of my long hair in the back touching my shirt collars so I hacked off the hair at the back. I also recently got my septum pierced, which is the part of your nose through the center of the flesh that separates your nostrils. It’s a big piercing that really stands out but my work doesn’t mind it at all. In the future I can turn it up slightly, essentially hiding it at the base of my nose. I have been gauging my ears as well, my bottom most ones are size 4’s and the next up are 10’s and are sporting large silver snakes. When I get my others healed properly to a size 2 I will be sporting some black dragonish serpents(approx. 2 weeks from now). The whole process has helped me come back to earth a bit more lately. Gauging earlobes doesn’t have to be painful at all, but I usually stop stretching them after I get some pain out of them.
There was a great friend of mine whom I had been seeing lots of, who is done their schooling this year and is taking off to other things. Its hard loosing someone so soon that I care about so much. I love them so much that I am quite heartbroken. I used to get over these things by hitting the gym hard, letting the pain be a way for me to release or express myself hurting this much. Gauging and my recent piercing has nicely added to it, but in June I will probably get a few more tattoos and piercings too. I should probably try to channel some of my grief into some drawings or paintings so that I can express and get something out of these emotions. We’ll see. Am moving in to my new apartment mid-may. There might be room for a easel and keyboard in the living room. :D Since no one else tackled Valentines day/Consumerist day/Singles awareness day/Capitalism holiday/etc, I will hit the topic for a sec, hopefully not upsetting anyone since it seems to be such a hard day for some, or I will blow that idea out of the water with my current I-don’t-give-a-shit attitude.
In my family my mother always took this day as a chance to tell everyone who mattered to her how much she just loved and adored us. Giving chocolates and baking for us every year. In the Japanese anime that I loved and thus pretty adopted by myself and my friends shortly after learning about(why? Because it is wonderful), it is a chance to make some homemade baking or chocolate to give to those that matter to you. This consisted mostly of giving to good friends and people you want to show your appreciation to (in a creative way) and perhaps a love or love interest. When I hear about girls getting together to get drunk and watch stupid romance movies together because they are single, I cant help but feel sorry for the poor miserable (u^?$ . Either they are one of the many whiners who always needs someone, even just for that day, or they plan on getting shitfaced and potentially making out with each other, or perhaps a Justin beiber pillow(not worth checking the spelling for). Both whiners and if-you-get-me-drunk-bi’s piss me off so neither of these types appeal to me in the least. So make a note, every year you can sure count me out on the desperate parade. Can no one actually just appreciate their friends and loved ones anymore? This feels like a Christmas meaning fail, where all that matters is someone spending a bunch of money on you and there fails to be any good point to the day. Also, if you stop making your valentines day about sexual relationships, guess what, the people around you will start too. You people make any excuse to feel sorry for yourself instead of appreciating your life or the people in it. To all those not alone, if you were a whiner who lucked out this time, don’t preach to the other whiners about how valentines day is not all bad, you are not fooling anyone you whiner. Lol. Alrights, now that I have probably pissed off a whole lot of people, love you all. Seriously. If you are bothering to read my psychobabble, then its almost a guarantee I sure do adore you. Also special love sent out to Mom, my great dads, my baby bro B.J, Nana, Johnson(Jack is an ass), Brettt, Trav, Connors, Tam Tam, Sherrie-poo, Slimey, Glor, and Matt. You guys have been rocking my life lately and were very much on my mind on the day of love! :D (watch me fail by discluding someone who I live for. lol) It was my hardest day for quitting smoking on the 14th since it was day 3, thanks to M, C and especially B, you guys stopped me from relapsing. I was antsy as shit that evening. Day 4 was a breeze! Thanks. ^,^ I guess there are two things I can update on right now. The first is the obvious, I kinda lack internets on my computer for the last few weeks. Which made me break down and do the whole mobile facebook, and even grabbing a quick twitter account to allow me some entertainment without the internet.
The second is that I am currently between packs. Over Christmas I managed to get myself addicted to cigarettes even though I have been an off and on smoker since I was about 14. Sometimes going years without, usually only smoking for a couple months at most, almost always 2 or less a day. I somehow got myself up to four a day and have been having troubles just quitting like I used to. I tried to cut down to one a day lots, but just get back to about three or two a day, I have been trying to prepare myself for the end of this pack but ended on two a day. It feels like my lungs or heart are starving. Its like they are yearning out for it. I have this feeling that a cigarette would fix it all. I would feel good then, not like this. Not needing, not starved. I’m fidgeting like some addict, and getting angry; frustrated; short tempered. I clench my hands into fists as a I walk then back again, over and over, as if looking for a fight. I’m on edge and antsy. My desire to punch someone right now is only matched by my desire to go buy a sledgehammer...I made sure to leave the library after 10pm. The corner store is closed, now just to get through tomorrow. ^^’’’’ Man do I just want to try cutting back to one a day, but a whole pack means likely a month of smoking one a day… Ergh. Also NO judgement if I do go back unless you are okay with a black eye, lol. Last week was rough for me and I just wanted to smoke away half the days and mope the rest. You would think this would help me get perspective but if the corner store was open right now I would be sure as hell going down to buy my next pack after writing this. Typing cigarette makes my heart weep. Sorry for being gone so long, I will go back to blogging regularly shortly, especially since I have a couple midterms coming up, thus I will be looking for a distraction or to get rid of thoughts that don’t need to be so front burner right now. Cheers. |
Kris
I am a Bi+Trans geeky student who is all about Gaming, Music, Drawing, Writing, Anime, Comic books, and Web comics. Categories
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April 2016
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