I guess there are two things I can update on right now. The first is the obvious, I kinda lack internets on my computer for the last few weeks. Which made me break down and do the whole mobile facebook, and even grabbing a quick twitter account to allow me some entertainment without the internet.
The second is that I am currently between packs. Over Christmas I managed to get myself addicted to cigarettes even though I have been an off and on smoker since I was about 14. Sometimes going years without, usually only smoking for a couple months at most, almost always 2 or less a day. I somehow got myself up to four a day and have been having troubles just quitting like I used to. I tried to cut down to one a day lots, but just get back to about three or two a day, I have been trying to prepare myself for the end of this pack but ended on two a day. It feels like my lungs or heart are starving. Its like they are yearning out for it. I have this feeling that a cigarette would fix it all. I would feel good then, not like this. Not needing, not starved. I’m fidgeting like some addict, and getting angry; frustrated; short tempered. I clench my hands into fists as a I walk then back again, over and over, as if looking for a fight. I’m on edge and antsy. My desire to punch someone right now is only matched by my desire to go buy a sledgehammer...I made sure to leave the library after 10pm. The corner store is closed, now just to get through tomorrow. ^^’’’’ Man do I just want to try cutting back to one a day, but a whole pack means likely a month of smoking one a day… Ergh. Also NO judgement if I do go back unless you are okay with a black eye, lol. Last week was rough for me and I just wanted to smoke away half the days and mope the rest. You would think this would help me get perspective but if the corner store was open right now I would be sure as hell going down to buy my next pack after writing this. Typing cigarette makes my heart weep. Sorry for being gone so long, I will go back to blogging regularly shortly, especially since I have a couple midterms coming up, thus I will be looking for a distraction or to get rid of thoughts that don’t need to be so front burner right now. Cheers.
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Kris
I am a Bi+Trans geeky student who is all about Gaming, Music, Drawing, Writing, Anime, Comic books, and Web comics. Categories
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April 2016
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