AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Making someone write 20-25 pages on one topic sounds like torture to me, I couldn’t see myself as a professor, asking a student to do such a thing. O.O!! The extent of writing like that drains all my energy for writing of any sorts. ^o^ Sucks the creativity from me, though that might be mostly due to it being research based. Though this is what I am going to be stuck with doing for my doctorate and masters. If I get that far. I am still waiting for myself to hit my upper limit of what I am capable of. Ever since first hearing about the theories of the upper and lower limits of intelligence, in psychology back in first year I have thought about it. I had realized that my range was so small and thus what determined where I landed within my range was huge. I realized how much little things would affect a millimetre movement. That Millimetre movement could mean the difference between me being capable of doing a honours worthy masters or not. Hell, I could work hard and somehow maybe I could even reach the full upper limit of my capabilities of understanding and theorizing and it could be just a millimetre away from what was needed to get beyond the theories out there, to get enough originality to accomplish my doctorate. I wouldn’t even know. All the work till then, and trying for the doctorate, to find that I just couldn’t wrap my head around an original thesis. It is quite horrifying to me. They even say, some can do it. Some cannot. I am fearful of being one of the ones who cannot. I will always be the type that needs to continue to broaden my knowledge. But what if that always just turns into broadening my knowledge base? What if I find my limits, and can only find fulfillment with continuing in the education system. There are plenty of things I still want to learn, plenty of things I still want to do. Ex. Biology, Chemistry, Astrology, Geology, learn French, sculpture, drawing, painting, 7 more years of piano, 3 years of violin, 2 years of guitar lessons, are just some examples. Not to mention white water rafting, some backcountry camping and hiking, maybe some decent canoe trips too. I still feel like I would become the professional student. I would have many tales to tell, I'm sure, but I would never feel an end. No closure. No finale. No sense of actual accomplishment. >.< It always made me insecure how Slimey would be readily applying newly heard about theory, to things, having a question of its applications in an unmentioned way. I needed time to compute and register a theory and its flexibility before I could start wondering how it would apply in certain rare circumstances. How stressful. My inflexibility to start applying new thought to interesting areas makes me feel intellectually impotent. Its like they got a hard on before I even knew it was a race to see who could first and I am stuck there looking at their impressive hard on, while I keep looking back at my deflated package, stuck because by the time I could get half mast and point it out, the ref has gone home and Mr. HardandReady already impressed everyone to the point of them all leaving with big smiles on their faces thinking, wow that was a pretty hardcore cock. Though what I may have lacked in ability to dive right in a new concept, I made up for in memory year to year. Recalling old theories and perspectives more easily. This is what helps me sleep at night I suppose… Is this what the less endowed repeat? “Its not the size, its not the size, its not the size, yeah, motion like an ocean, yeah. Totally….it doesn’t even matter” -.-’’’’’ ..........The truth is, I can hear them crying on the inside. CREATIVITY!!!!! COME BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DX NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! WHHYYY!?!
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Since this is one of my first blogs this year(and with a Christmas break coming up) I figured it would be a good time to toss out my goals for projects this year. The following are my goals:
Book of Shadows - This will take a great deal of studying and research, but most books out there to be used as reference are clouded with a lot of the feel for Wicca and lack many spells for the already practicing wiccan. I hope to make a personalized written book of shadows this year, perhaps using scrap booking materials so that I can adjust the amount of pages and have plenty of nice space to work with. Finish a short story - This is one that I have been working on already, I have described the world and characters and written an example of a chapter of story. I am currently working on the character design because I am determined to be able to add some illustrations to it and have been playing with the concept designs. I suppose the biggest influences here come from my background in reading tons of fantasy books over the years ever since elementary school and the morbid influence that I have gained from my love of Tim Burton. Though I do enjoy anime, I have only started dabbling in drawing it in the last few months, so am going to use the illustrations as a chance to really explore the style. Web comic - Am currently trying to convince my friends to start one with me (we could partition up the jobs to keep it going!) But I guess the most reliance is on jack….and he really does wander lots… Fill half my new Art book (50pgs) - I am just finishing the last 35 pages in my old one. Cover my two Canvas’s - Must. Paint. Write some lyrics - There have been too many times where I start with humming random notes and then work my way to my own rhythm, feel, and lyrics. Must actually get down to business and write it down and see if its tolerable when taken out of the spur of the moment context. O.o I suppose It would be reasonable to have the goals to not fail my classes or become homeless either. Those I work fairly hard to maintain. Will get more bloggy, and less compulsive list making soon, promise. |
Kris
I am a Bi+Trans geeky student who is all about Gaming, Music, Drawing, Writing, Anime, Comic books, and Web comics. Categories
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