One of these days you will die. Someone I love, and hate greatly. I will never shed tears for you. After all your violence and your hate I will fight showing relief when you die. It is not my fault for hating you so much, I fought this feeling through many years. I just cannot forget, and thus, can never forgive you. I prayed often when younger that the gods would show mercy on my mother and kill you. I prayed that she would find the strength to leave you. You are a person full of hate and violence. I know a great deal of that is the only thing that you know. I know your life was full of violence before your family came to be. I had years of memories, not all terrible. You were a father to me occasionally, between drinks. But I cannot forget. Thus, I can never forgive. When the day comes you die, I will fight the relief. The violence will end with you.
~A warning that this gets detailed and very violent from here on. This is where Connors, Whit and my birth father (though highly unlikely to ever read this) specifically need to stop reading if you ever get to this point, because I know these things will honestly make you physically ill. If my sister or brother(again quite unlikely) ever read this, it is up to you whether you want continue, I am sorry however if you ever do even get this far, this will put the pieces together for you as well and its hard understanding what was going on. I love you guys.~ If you wish to continue onto part II, the just click the Read more button right....below................Here.........
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One of these days you will die. Someone I love, and hate greatly. I will never shed tears for you. After all your violence and your hate I will fight showing relief when you die. It is not my fault for hating you so much, I fought this feeling through many years. I just cannot forget, and thus, can never forgive you. I prayed often when younger that the gods would show mercy on my mother and kill you. I prayed that she would find the strength to leave you. You are a person full of hate and violence. I know a great deal of that is the only thing that you know. I know your life was full of violence before your family came to be. I had years of memories, not all terrible. You were a father to me occasionally, between drinks. But I cannot forget. Thus, I can never forgive. When the day comes you die, I will fight the relief. The violence will end with you.
If I must not speak ill of the dead, then I will speak of the violence now and (hopefully) be done with it. How would I ever tell anyone then? To not worry about the tears and sorrow, that there is one less abuser in the world. How would I ever tell my sisters or brother, my nieces and nephews? They will all see me coldly not grieving. I will just lie and tell them I’ve lost too much over the years to shed any tears for the dead. When the abuse started my mother let her love of him and fears of my little brother losing his father hold her there. She somehow felt that a screaming alcoholic rapist was still a father. Even before the drink he would yell and scream at us every day. I was not use to it and it affected me most. My younger brother pretends that it never bugged him, but he grew up with hate in him and it twisted him for many years. He never learned how to treat people; it took him until he was nearly 17 to make a friend for himself. When our father wanted to yell at you, you cannot escape. If you feared him and tried to hide, we would kick down doors to scream at you. Worthless little fucks like us need to listen. Don’t look too far away from where he is but don’t make eye contact. Either will cause him to fly into a fit of rage. He would drink and fuck anything around. I believe that all of the kids caught him at least once. My sisters friends dangerously looked up to him, I still don’t know if he ever did one of them too. My mother wrecked his chances when she would catch him hanging out with them. ~A warning that this gets detailed and very violent from here on and so you know when I refer to my ‘father’ from here on in, it does not mean my birth father for my mother did not ever stay with him. It refers to the man that has had a deal of time in our family and was given right to be father figure. You cannot undo what you will read and know if you do read the rest of this blog post. Most of my friends I have resisted telling because I feel that once known that no one can look at him without hatred, that it makes my siblings look uncaring and ignorant, and because the hatred it can cause in a person could cause someone to seek out ending our fathers life. If someone did do that, it would be because they couldn’t stand to know such a person would be allowed to live, and because of such, I wouldn’t want them to go to jail for it. This is where Connors, Whit and my birth father (though highly unlikely to ever read this) specifically need to stop reading if you ever get to this point, because I know these things will honestly make you physically ill. If my sister or brother(again quite unlikely) ever read this, it is up to you whether you want continue, I am sorry however if you ever do even get this far, this will put the pieces together for you as well and its hard understanding what was going on. I love you guys. To help with curiosity, In a nutshell, my ‘father’ is a very bad person and my mother has taken the brunt of it.~ If you wish to continue, the just click the Read more button right.............below.........................Here......... So I hear that this whole rape thing is a problem. So I decided to look online to see if I could find some advice, some preventative information, that would help out. I found some persons interesting list of Tips to help end Rape. I hope you find it useful.
Ten rape prevention tips: 1. Don’t put drugs in women’s drinks. 2. When you see a woman walking by herself, leave her alone. 3. If you pull over to help a woman whose car has broken down, remember not to rape her. 4. If you are in an elevator and a woman gets in, don’t rape her. 5. When you encounter a woman who is asleep, the safest course of action is to not rape her. 6. Never creep into a woman’s home through an unlocked door or window, or spring out at her from between parked cars, or rape her. 7. Remember, people go to the laundry room to do their laundry. Do not attempt to molest someone who is alone in a laundry room. 8. Use the Buddy System! If it is inconvenient for you to stop yourself from raping women, ask a trusted friend to accompany you at all times. 9. Carry a rape whistle. If you find that you are about to rape someone, blow the whistle until someone comes to stop you. 10. Don’t forget: Honesty is the best policy. When asking a woman out on a date, don’t pretend that you are interested in her as a person; tell her straight up that you expect to be raping her later. If you don’t communicate your intentions, the woman may take it as a sign that you do not plan to rape her. (Rape prevention tips Posted by Leigh Hofheimer) Key part: When in doubt, DON'T rape. We know we are in a sick world when we would rather blame the victim and ignore it. Rapists end up going free and it is shrugged off as a lesson in life. What is the lesson exactly though? That it is only a matter of time? I wish my mom, my nana, my neice, my sisters, my friends could be safe. I wish that every rape was treated seriously. That way maybe it wouldn't be just a matter of time for them. This list reminds me that I am not going insane, the world has screwed up views that need to change. No one asks to be raped, from those who have experienced it, living after such an experience is often described as a fate far worse than death. Like your very soul has been violated and abused, leaving a sick filth left that you cant seem to remove. I figure that this may just cause people to start any sort of debate on societies views of sexuality and gender, but I am always up for that fight. Online that is, in person I may get sick of it and potentially push you into traffic while you tell me that anyone was asking for it. Cause you would be asking for it. I have seen the pain, and felt a great deal of it myself, when many fantastic women and men I know have tried to deal with being victims of such violence. I was looking at some 'slutwalk' photos and saw a sign that remind me of a few friends fears. I can relate, by 12yrs I was very aware of rape and molestation and it saved me quite a few times. I was lucky that I managed to say all the right things and they took the bluff and left, but it was never guaranteed that it would work with the next one. It failed to work for one of my best friends and they were attacked repeatedly, while others looked the other way, because they didn't want to listen. They didn't stop, they kept adding victims, and I just kept praying for their death. Praying for a gun and meeting them in a dark alley. At 12, I could only see the darkest parts of the world and was disgusted by people, my world was only black and grey. I was outraged that people would know what these people where and did nothing, people with far more power than me to do something about it. I was outraged that my parents would allow them to keep going on in life and not be locked away to keep them from attacking again. For the ones I faced I just got to be more disturbed and hid more. That doesn't seem right. Anyway, here is the signs message: "I'm scared to ride the bus. I'm scared by myself. I'm scared at night. I hate men. I think they are violent and out to get me. I'm scared to walk alone. I'm scared to dress nice. I'm scared of being in relationships. I hate to be touched by men. I cry when I feel threatened. The biggest fear I have is to be raped. I feel like I can't trust anyone of the male gender. I am paranoid! I am the product of a domestically violent father and the culture that excused him." Don't think that just because society likes to sweep it under the rug that it ever fixes anything. No one, no matter the genders involved should be allowed to do these things to another person, no excuses should ever be made. |
Kris
I am a Bi+Trans geeky student who is all about Gaming, Music, Drawing, Writing, Anime, Comic books, and Web comics. Categories
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