Hey peeps!
So due to my ankle being broken I am doing pretty much nothing lately except for watching tv series. I have burned through Firefly & Serenity, Torchwood, Once Upon a Time, Once Upon a Time in Wonderland, & Criminal Minds. I am also almost caught up in Arrow. All great series which I highly recommend. I've also been doing some reading. I finished the Graceling series which I loved. It's one of the series Kris likes to make of me for, saying that I should lend it to her niece. Personally, I think it's a bit dark for anyone under 16 and just because the targeted audience is teens doesn't mean us grown-ups can't enjoy it. It's set in a Realm where there are Seven main kingdoms. The first and second books have a lot of violence. In the first book the main character, Katsa is one of the Graced, meaning she has a special talent. Her grace is thought to be a killing grace. In the kingdom Katsa lives in, all gracelings belong to the King. The King uses Katsa as an enforcer of sorts, sending her to torture or kill those who cross him or owe him money or favors. The second book, Fire is mostly a war story. The main character, Fire lives is the only living Monster human. A monster is a beautiful creature with powers of suggestion and mind invasion. She is cursed with the reputation of her father who was a sadistic man. He enjoyed toying with the minds of others and torture. The third book Bitterblue, takes place eight years after the first book. This book is about uncovering the tragedies committed by the previous king. The Queen, Bitterblue, sneaks out of her castle, longing to know what is happening in her kingdom and to uncover the secrets that have been kept from her. I'm going to warn that this book does have a trigger warning for rape and torture. There were some parts that were very hard for me to get through. It doesn't go into huge detail, a lot of it is implied, but there will still entire chapters that made me feel sick.
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Hey peeps! It's been awhile! Long past time for an update! I've been a busy lady lately, and I have now found myself with an abundance of spare time due to Breaking my ankle and being unable to work or do much of anything.
First the ankle: I'm 23 years old, and this is the first time I've ever broken a single bone in my body. And since I've made it 23 years, apparently I had to spectacularly put myself out of commission. I broke 2 bones and fractured 1. I did this by slipping on a patch of ice outside my workplace. Ah, the joys of living in Canada. On to other things going on in my life: Sadly, my Aunt lost her battle with cancer not too long ago. Her funeral is this week and due to the broken ankle, I'm unable to make it. She was an amazing strong woman and I wish I had been allowed to know her better, but I was forbidden from contacting her from around the time I was 8 until I was 18 due to a family feud. I miss her and I'm angry. It wasn't fair. I haven't even told most people. Just my boyfriend and Kris know. I was able to be with her in her final moments. Cancer is a scary thing people. When my Aunt passed, she was nothing but skin and bones. She was incredibly skeletal. Looking at her, I was reminded of pictures of Jews in concentration camps. I was almost afraid to touch her, afraid she might break. She was incredibly Jaundiced, she was unable to talk, she just moaned in pain. She was unrecognizable. And that's not how I want to remember her. I want to remember her the way she was: Vibrant and happy and energetic. But every time I think of her, all I can think of is the way she looked when I saw her take her last breath. The state of the world lately...I just...I don't know anymore. I like to be positive. I try so hard to stay positive. But Sometimes it's just so hard. The way that people devalue the lives and hardships of others. I don't even know where to start. Here's what been getting me down, not necessarily in any particular order.
A while ago there was the rape trial. The one where the judge said that it wasn't rape because "sex was in the air". Just another way of saying that she was asking for it. No means no whether or not sex was previously implied. Here's the link for that story: http://www.winnipegfreepress.com/breakingnews/rape-victim-inviting-so-no-jail--rape-victim-inviting-so-no-jail-116801578.html Then there was Amanda Todd. I talked about this in a previous blog, but it's just something I don't think should be forgotten. There was the Aurora shooting during a midnight screening of The Dark Knight Rises. It was something that killed a little bit of my soul. The people in that theater believed in heroes. They were people like myself and my friends who sought solace in something besides the darkness of this world, and twelve people were killed by that very darkness. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2012_Aurora_shooting There was the Sandy Hook shooting. Possibly one of the most heartbreaking stories of the year. Children were murdered. Innocents who had their whole lives ahead of them, their futures were stolen. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sandy_Hook_Elementary_School_shooting There was the Stuebenville rape case. Terrible things were done to that girl. Pictures and video were taken. There were tweets detailing it. There were text messages. There was an abundance of evidence detailing the night that ruined a young woman's life. And what happened? Instead of the perpetrators getting maximum jail time, they were sentenced to two years while major news networks paid tribute to the attackers. http://www.upworthy.com/cnn-pays-touching-tribute-to-the-rapists-who-attacked-a-16-year-old-girl?c=upw1 There was a similar case to this one. The victim was recently taken off life support after attempting suicide following a rape where pictures of the rape were posted online. Even though there were pictures of the actual rape, police said there wasn't enough evidence to press charges. http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2013/04/09/rehtaeh-parsons-suicide-bullying-rape_n_3044885.html Finally the Boston Marathon bombings. Why? Why must there be so much terror and hatred in the world. What could rationalize something like this? http://www.cnn.com/2013/04/15/us/boston-marathon-explosions/index.html I just can't make sense of this kind of world. So something that I've been wanting to talk about for a while is bullying and the impact it can have. And with the recent news about Amanda Todd, I thought now might be a good time.
I'm going to talk about the particular brand of bullying that Amanda Todd went through. The pressure that many teen girls face that is written off as normal and "boys will be boys" I hate that saying, by the way. "Boys will be boys". It's so dismissive. As though the harassment, the pressure, and even the rape can be attributed to boys just being boys. No big deal. They're supposed to be manly. Supposed to chase girls around to show how manly they are. Teenage girls face so much pressure to be pretty. To be desirable. To be sexy. Teenage girls should not have to be sexy. Yet there is a fetishism for teen girls and if you walk into any high school in North America you'll see make-up and miniskirts on most of the girls. Teenage girls are vulnerable. And they're told that the only way they'll be worth anything is if they're seen as desirable. If they're not in the top 2% of "hot, popular girls" in high school, and often even if they are, they start looking for something to validate them. Someone to tell them they're worth something. Sometimes they find a legitimate way to validate their worth. But most of the time, they seek attention from boys. They put up with harassment because it signals that maybe someone would find them attractive. The bra snapping, the grabbing, the pinching. It's not ok. And the worst part is it's dismissed as normal. As boys will be boys. Amanda Todd was called a slut among many other things because of a boy distributing pictures of her breasts online and in her school. This was not her fault. These pictures were used to threaten her, and even when she moved elsewhere, her stalker found her. Even now, people are still bullying her, saying she deserved it and making fun of her first suicide attempt. This still boggles my mind. It's not okay to make fun of suicide. This is when I truly begin to believe that there is no hope for the human race. The damage that bullying can do is often carried along with people for life. I was a victim of intense bullying from elementary up to high school, and I can say that I understand the damage it does. The first time I attempted suicide, I was in third grade, and it was because I couldn't stand coming to school everyday to be tormented. I continued to be extremely depressed for most of my life. I attempted suicide a couple times again in high school because I believed them when they said I was worthless. Even now, when I have a wonderful group of friends who support me and a better relationship with my family, I still am on anti-depressants to keep the thoughts that I'm worthless and don't mean anything to anyone from becoming too much for me. Please, if you see bullying happening, stop it. All it takes is for one person to stand up, and you could be saving a life. So yesterday was International Coming Out Day. It's a great day to think about how lucky we are here in Canada to be able to come out without facing being thrown in prison. But we still have a long way to go. Today is the anniversary of Matthew Shepard's murder. For those of you who don't know the story of Matthew Shepard, he was a young man who was tortured to death by his peers for being gay. This happened 14 years ago. His murder was a stepping stone in hate crime laws in the U.S. In 2009, after an eleven-year struggle to have violence against LGBTTQ* people recognized as a hate crime, President Obama signed it into law--known as the Matthew Shepard and James Byrd, Jr. Hate Crimes Prevention Act.
I first heard the story of Matthew Shepard when I was in grade 11. My teacher played us the CBC radio coverage of it. At the time I was pretty far in the closet. The gruesome details of his death hit me very hard and if anything pushed me further into the closet. I was so afraid that if I came out something similar would happen to me. I was positive that at the very least I would be kicked out of my home, and lose most of my friends and my family and most of my friends were very Christian and I had many discussions with them about gay rights. Most of them believed that homosexuals shouldn't be granted the right to marry or adopt children. I look back on that now, and while I think my fear was reasonable, it was perhaps unneeded. I came out after going to University and having put some space between me and my family and my friends. My family was very accepting, and I only had a few friends who chose to no longer be a part of my life. And it still pains me that those people left me, as I was very close to them. It hurts to know that they could have cared for me through so many of my issues like depression and self-harm, that they stood by me and promised to always be there for me, but as soon as they found out I liked women as well as men, they abandoned me. I still feel the loss of these friends, but since then, I've made friends who accept me as I am, and kept close with the friends who said who I love made no difference to them. I can't express in words how grateful I am to have such wonderful people in my life who are a fantastic support network for me. Being involved in a lot of public LGBTTQ* rights, I'm still a little frightened that being so open and public leaves me vulnerable to be physically attacked. I have been verbally attacked about being openly bisexual, and yes, words hurt and bullying is a huge issue. But I've developed a pretty thick skin thanks to high school, and it takes a bit of the sting away. I know I'm not the only one with this fear, and I hope that by the time the next generation comes around--hopefully before that--that fear is completely unnecessary. I hope there will no longer be a need for gay rights movement, because we will be have equal rights and be treated with equality. I hope that coming out will no longer be a big deal. That when a teenager goes on their first date, there won't be the assumption that it's with a person of the opposite sex. That when a person wants to go through transition, they will have the necessary resources and support to do so. So I definitely owe you guys a new blog, and I definitely owe you some positives in my life. I feel like all I do on here sometimes is rant and vent. I've realized I need to vent my frustrations every now and then, but I shouldn't be using this blog for that and I should be more positive. I'm also gonna try to be more open. I usually talk about things I'm a little more comfortable with on here. I don't really share the more personal things, and I think I need to work on my trust issues and open up on here more. So in the interest of openness and honestly, there's a few things in my life I should probably discuss
I'm dating an amazing man. It's been about 7 months that we've been officially together now. I can honestly picture spending my life with him, and want it. I can't imagine being this in love with anyone but him. A few months ago, I started taking anti-depressants. It's something I honestly should have done years ago. Now I don't spend the majority of my time hating myself and blaming myself for everything. They're really helping me feel a lot better about everything. I have a few things that I'm really looking forward to this summer. Winnipeg for Ai-kon, a couple weddings, and going to Montreal for a kick-ass music festival. I also went to Winnipeg for Pride last month with 2 of my closest friends, and had a fantastic time. Had a lot of fun running around the exchange district in particular and eating almost nothing but seafood. MP, you have no idea how much I adore you <3. That's pretty much all I have to update for now, so until next time, be good. I would just like to take a moment to discuss some disturbing trends I've been seeing on Facebook lately. Firstly, the grammar alone is enough to make me want to slap people with a dictionary. "Lose" and "Loose" are not the same things. "Their, there, and they're" all have separate meanings, as do "too" and "to". Look it up
Poor grammar, however, isn't nearly as disturbing as most of the crap I've seen on there lately. I mentioned in my last blog how much it annoys me when people shove their religion down everyone else's throat. And it's not just around the Holiday season that people do this. One of the most disturbing examples that I saw recently was a picture of Jesus with the words "If you love God, share and like...if you love the devil, keep on scrolling..." I had so many problems with this post. Firstly I don't like posts that guilt people into sharing or liking said post. Secondly, REALLY? So either you're a Christian or a Satan-worshipper? WTF? These kinds of posts are just straight-up offensive and ignorant. As mentioned above, I don't like posts that guilt people into sharing or liking said post. Another one I saw that bothered me was a picture of a bald child (obviously bald as a result of chemotherapy) with the caption "Most of you won't repost this because apparently you're 'TOO COOL' but really you're selfish. Repost this in honour of those fighter cancer." I just got pissed off when I saw this post. Posting a picture on your Facebook profile isn't going to do anything to help cancer research. If you want to actually do something to help those fighting cancer, there's plenty of things you can do that's actually helpful. There's the relay for life, fundraising, and plenty of volunteer opportunities. For more information about how you can do something that requires more effort and has a great effect than pressing the 'share' button, head over to The Canadian Cancer Society's webpage at www.cancer.ca Sitting on your high horse thinking you're so superior because you posted a picture on your profile isn't helping anyone. Things on Facebook that annoy me #3: People who post about illegal activity. An example that I saw recently was "Smoke a couple bowls before work I guess....then go suffer for 7 hours" I don't think I need to explain why this kind of shit bugs me. It's just straight up stupid. Things on Facebook that annoy me #4: Trying to get lots of likes on your status by posting a common experience. Ex. "Like my status if you use your cell phone as a flashlight" Things on Facebook that annoy me #5: Posting about your "first world problems" Ex. Daddy cut up my credit cards because I spent too much at the mall." Shut the hell up, you spoiled bitches. Things on Facebook that annoy me #6: Posting something like "I had such a bad day" and then when someone asks what happened, responding with something like "I don't want to talk about it." Why would you advertise on fb that you had a crappy day if you don't want to talk about what happened? Stop being such an attention whore. Things on Facebook that annoy me #7: People who use other people's walls as a message board for their views. Last year, a girl from my home town was murdered. I posted on my status something to the effect of "I can't believe that God would allow something like this to happen" One person decided to use the opportunity to harp on about how God obviously doesn't exist, and when people posted comments that were actually helpful, called their beliefs bullshit. If someone posts a status that is obviously grieving for someone, don't take that opportunity to shit all over their beliefs, or lack thereof. It's just not classy. I could go on with this list for a while, but those are all my big peeves. So until next time, Be good. Sorry for not updating enough guys. Things have been a little hectic, but I now have internet access so that should be helpful in the updating more often thing I was talking about doing. Rather than re-cap how my life has been going, I'd like to take this opportunity to talk about the Holidays.
I've been seeing a lot of posts on facebook about this whole "War on Christmas" thing. Apparently, people feel that the culturally inclusive "happy holidays" greeting is infringing on their rights as Christians to shove their religion down other people's throats. Let's just stand back and take a look at this idea for a moment. Christians are feeling persecuted and pushed aside. That in itself is hard for me to believe. The fastest growing religion in the world is feeling like they are being pushed aside. The most believed in religion in the western world feels pushed aside. Really? But what really gets me is that they're insulted by a holiday greeting that is inclusive to all cultures, religions, or lack thereof. I just want to say that I don't harbor any hatred for the religious folk that hold this view, and I agree with the view that religion is like a penis. It's fine to have one, and it's fine to be proud of it. But please don't take it out in public and start waving it around. And please don't try to shove it down anyone's throat. I just don't see why people are freaking out over a greeting that isn't targeted for one single religion. Happy Holidays everyone!! God, it's been a while. I have a legitimate excuse of not having internet access and working all summer though. I think that's a pretty good reason for not updating. So, lets have a look at how my summer went, shall we? Finding work was definitely off to a slow start, but I did get a job that I love and will be continuing with said job for the school year. I managed to avoid major drama for most of the school year as I was working all the time and didn't have much time for a social life, and no social life = no annoying drama. Although now it feels like because I got about 3 months free of drama, I am now being bombarded with it. Everyone's got their problems, and somehow, I'm the person they wanna talk to about them. No clue how this happened. I usually make it pretty clear that I generally hate people. (Why did I decide to go into counseling as a profession again?!?!) Mostly, over the summer, my belief that people are douchbag covered bastards with asshole coating was proven true. My mom called over the summer to tell me that our cat, gizmo, was run over. Not because he was out on the road and someone didn't see him, but because he was IN OUR DRIVEWAY and someone served into our driveway so that they could run him over. I hate people so fucking much. That's not to say that I don't like anyone. I like persons. But as a collective group, people are fucking idiots. I do actually occasionally get glimpses of hope in humanity though. And as much as I generally like to hole up and ignore everyone, doing so tends to make me bitter (surprise!) and I have to go be around people to make sure that I get some endorphins and don't turn into a complete bitch. That being said, I'd like to apologize to my roommate for not getting enough people time this summer and being grouchy all the time. I'll try to update more often this year and toss up some more poems. I'm gonna even try and write some new ones this year. I feel like I've just been ignoring my creative side for a while and am going to burst if I don't let some of my angst out. But for now, it's time to say adieu. Oh my. I really haven't posted in a while. Sorry about that. Summer will be a great opportunity to do more blogging and less studying. Also I am looking forward to being able to read for pleasure, and not just read textbooks anymore.
I thought stress in my life would be over as soon as I was done school, but I forgot about something that's been a significant source of stress since high school: drama. I usually try to stay away from any and all sources of drama, but it's one of those things that has a habit of seeking me out. I really don't know if I can handle it. People don't realize how broken I really am, and tend to lean on me a lot and I don't know if I can support them when I can barely keep myself alive. Right now I'm suffering from both physical and emotional wounds. Physical wounds because the road looked at me funny, so I used my mad ninja skills to attack it. To the untrained eye, it may have looked like I fell, but I was totally in control of the situation. I'm also trying to keep myself sane and in a healthy state of mind as my dog, Jet, who I've had for 8 years recently passed away. I'm so broken because of it. She was such a great dog. I love her so much. She was the only one who was always there for me no matter what all throughout high school. She would always cuddle up with me when I was sick or upset. If there's one thing I'm good at, it's covering up pain. I had four years of high school to perfect that art. Outside, I look like I'm fine. But inside I'm 2 inches away from breaking. |
T-Girl
The one with estrogen. Bisexual, student, poet. Intrigued? Well good thing there's an entire blog for you to read then. Archives
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