Hey guys. So I should definitely be studying right now, but I need to rant. I got into a fight with one of my best friends last night and I feel pretty terrible about it. She's been going through a rough time lately and it was really uncool of me to bring up certain things at the time that I did. But the more I think about it, the more I'm realizing that I really can't take full blame for it. I'm gonna quickly go over what happened and then go over my thoughts on it. We'll call my friend "Teresa"
Me: Did you hear there's gonna be an election? I'm exited. It'll be the first time I can legally vote. Teresa: Yeah. I knew before everyone was talking about. You know these things when you're a poli-sci student. Me: Jeez, you sound like a hipster douche. "I knew about it before it was popular!" Teresa: You shouldn't use douche in a derogatory manner. It gives a negative connotation to femininity. Me: Fine. You sound like a hipster cumwad. Teresa: You shouldn't use masculine things an insult either. I know you're all feminist and stuff, but that doesn't mean you should put down men. I believe in equal rights. Actually I just call that being human. Believing in equal rights. Me: I'm not one of those feminists. I do all of my essays on how men have issues too and how the gender studies program shouldn't just be always focusing on women's issues. Teresa: Calm down, jeez you're always so uptight. It's not like I called you a radical or something. Me: Yeah, but you always do that. You say something to me that's actually kind of incredibly insulting and accuse me of being something that is basically against everything I believe in. You-- Teresa: I was just joking! How come other people can joke about political stuff but I can't? Me: Because you don't ever sound like you're joking. You say it the same way you say everything else and you sound like you believe it. Maybe if you're joking you should actually change your tone and not say things in a serious tone and act like you're totally serious. Seriously, you do this all the time. Teresa: I do what? Me: every time we hang out you shoot down everything I say and make me feel terrible about myself. And if I ever have an opinion that's different from yours you actually start yelling and screaming about how you're right. You don't actually talk calmly and discuss why you're right. You just yell and scream about how right you are. Teresa: Well maybe if I'm such a bitch you shouldn't hang out with me. And then she stormed out. I called and texted her multiple times and basically just got a big "fuck off" in response. I'm starting to think that maybe it's for the best. I actually have to cheer myself up after hanging out with her because she just shoots down everything I say. I honestly don't even talk around her that much because every time I say anything she just shoots me down and makes me feel horrible. And every few weeks she's say something that's deeply insulting towards me, like she did last night, and I have to be careful to just try and keep quiet and not say anything at all because I know if I try to defend myself at all, she'll just get offended. I have to do this because I have extreme mood swings that she is completely aware of, and knows that they can be triggered by how people around me are acting. But then, while I was trying to calm myself down so I didn't snap at her, she starting going on about how uptight I was and I thought that maybe I should actually talk to her about how she's so negative towards me all the time, and that's why I was "uptight" when she totally insulted me. But I forgot that she's the only person who's allowed to have a mood disorder and freak out at people and have everything be okay afterwards and no one else can ever have a problem with her because why would they? She's perfect and she never asks anything of anyone! She actually has gone on to me about how she always sacrifices so much for her friends and will drop everything for them, but when she needs help she would NEVER ask anyone to sacrifice their time for her. She said this after asking me to stop studying for a test I had the next day and walk over to her house so that she could talk about how much her friends suck and no one cares about her. She refuses to see that people obviously care about her, because I'm not the only person who's dropped everything to go make sure she's okay. I just don't know if I can keep hanging around with someone who makes me feel like shit all the time. I'm tired of everything revolving around her.
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Hey guys
So I've been under a lot of stress with school and stuff so I apoligize for being terrible and never updating my blog. Sorry for neglecting you. One day when I don't have all these paper deadlines and tests to work on, you'll be higher on my list of priorities. But for now, keeping up my grades so I don't get kicked out of school is really my biggest concern. So I'm gonna throw up another poem on here. I wrote it in high school, and it's close to what I've been feeling lately, although now it's to a much lesser degree. I wrote it around the same time as the last poem, "Dying Faith" that I put up. So 'Read More' if you wanna have a look. |
T-Girl
The one with estrogen. Bisexual, student, poet. Intrigued? Well good thing there's an entire blog for you to read then. Archives
May 2014
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