There's this quote from One Tree Hill that was a big deal in the earlier seasons. "People always leave". That quote is the reason I started to really like the character Peyton Sawyer. I could identify with that. People always leaving, always stabbing me in the back.
I have this fear of people leaving me. Call it abandonment issues or trust issues, whatever. I'm not sure when they first started, just that they intensified throughout high school, particularly in my grade 12 year. But that's a different story for a different time. I've been thinking about this whole trust issue thing a lot lately, and maybe it's because I'm just not the type of person people want to be around. Maybe that's why people always leave. Wow, this sounds a lot more emo than I intended it to. I used to push people away when I felt them getting too close. To a certain degree, I still do, but there are a few people in my life who managed to get through that stage of friendship where I panic and withdraw from people. In fact, I don't think a couple of my friends who are probably the closest to me even went through that stage. It just sort of got by-passed because they were all I had at some point in my life. I'm so terrified of people leaving me, but am I pushing them to that point? That's the main point I'm trying to get at. I try to stay connected with everyone, but maybe I'm not trying hard enough. If one of my friends feels abandon by me, then it's obviously my fault. I'm not trying hard enough to keep up with everyone. I need to work on that. I tend to get pretty absorbed with school and some days I just want to be a hermit. But if my friends are suffering because of that, then obviously that's something I need to work on. I don't want to let someone I care about down. That's really all I can say for now. Maybe I'll do a part 2 later, explain a little bit more or try to make this make more sense.
1 Comment
Ok, so Kris just 'politely' pointed out how I haven't updated in a while, and since I have an exam tomorrow, I'm gonna post a quick poem. This is a poem I wrote the year I graduated from high school when I was feeling very alienated and apathetic. So 'Read More' if you wanna give it a look!
Ok, so right now I should be working on my 15-page essay which is due tomorrow, as I have only completed roughly 7 pages. But IT'S MY BIRTHDAY AND I WILL BLOG IF I WANT TO! So my roommate is super awesome and got me THE BEST MAGNET EVER!! Check it! So great right? I know! Speaking of kissing girls...I have something to rant about! What a surprise! I've mentioned before that I've never really experienced overt homophobia before. But last saturday I had my first experience with it. I had no idea people could be this freakin ignorant. So, Jack, me and some other friends (including my wifey) decided to head to the bar last Saturday. We were out on the dance floor and me and my wifey were making out. Out of nowhere this girl comes up and starts harassing us. She said what we were doing was wrong and we shouldn't be doing that. First of all it was NONE OF HER DAMN BUSINESS! She just got all up in our faces because apparently it's ok for her to come to the bar, drink her face off, and make out with some stranger but it's not ok for us to make out. WTF?! After a while she said her problem was that we were getting all the attention from the guys in the bar and she wasn't. I have soooo many problems with that. 1. We didn't want guys attention. We are into each other, we do NOT make out purely for the amusement of men. 2. We had our guy friends with us. NONE of the guys in the bar were coming up to us. 3. Get over yourself. Maybe it's not our fault that no guys are hitting on you. This girl was just insane. At one point she was pushing Jack, and trying to provoke him to hit her. She told this guy in the bar that we were bothering her and that he should fight our guys friends. But when he saw that she was the one starting stuff, and our guy friends were just stepping in to keep us from attacking each other, he kind of backed off. I am still so mad about this girl. What makes her think she has the right to tell us that me making out with another girl is wrong? I'm generally a pretty chill person, but the things this girl said just make me so angry. So while I'm angry about it, I may as well direct my energy towards something productive. Like that essay. I'll try and update soon my lovelies! xoxo |
T-Girl
The one with estrogen. Bisexual, student, poet. Intrigued? Well good thing there's an entire blog for you to read then. Archives
May 2014
Categories
All
|