There's this quote from One Tree Hill that was a big deal in the earlier seasons. "People always leave". That quote is the reason I started to really like the character Peyton Sawyer. I could identify with that. People always leaving, always stabbing me in the back.
I have this fear of people leaving me. Call it abandonment issues or trust issues, whatever. I'm not sure when they first started, just that they intensified throughout high school, particularly in my grade 12 year. But that's a different story for a different time. I've been thinking about this whole trust issue thing a lot lately, and maybe it's because I'm just not the type of person people want to be around. Maybe that's why people always leave. Wow, this sounds a lot more emo than I intended it to. I used to push people away when I felt them getting too close. To a certain degree, I still do, but there are a few people in my life who managed to get through that stage of friendship where I panic and withdraw from people. In fact, I don't think a couple of my friends who are probably the closest to me even went through that stage. It just sort of got by-passed because they were all I had at some point in my life. I'm so terrified of people leaving me, but am I pushing them to that point? That's the main point I'm trying to get at. I try to stay connected with everyone, but maybe I'm not trying hard enough. If one of my friends feels abandon by me, then it's obviously my fault. I'm not trying hard enough to keep up with everyone. I need to work on that. I tend to get pretty absorbed with school and some days I just want to be a hermit. But if my friends are suffering because of that, then obviously that's something I need to work on. I don't want to let someone I care about down. That's really all I can say for now. Maybe I'll do a part 2 later, explain a little bit more or try to make this make more sense.
1 Comment
C-Rae
12/23/2010 10:50:15 am
Just so you know, you'd have to push pretty hard to get rid of me.
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T-Girl
The one with estrogen. Bisexual, student, poet. Intrigued? Well good thing there's an entire blog for you to read then. Archives
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