Well I guess I should just write something instead of posting photo's. Trying to keep this an evenly ecclectic mix of my talents and whatnot. Is it just me or do the get like the loudest keyboards in the library just to allow people to know that there is some major typing going on over here? Like this can get annoying. Oh well. I won't write much as I have a meeting with my prof in just under an hour to discuss my Creative Writing Thesis. I really don't know what it is going to be about and really I am so worried about it. I know everyone says to write what you know and that honestly is getting old. How many times do I have to write about growing up and writing out cliche things like: "I always knew I was different." That kind of cocky and arrogant language is enough to piss me off. Like by some twist of fate I am the only gay person who had a hard time coming to terms with his own sexuality. BAH!!!
The next thing I could write about is something very personal to me. My mom. I know I said that she passed away, but I never mention how close me and my mom were. See I find it strange how there are people who can call their mom a bitch, I could never do that. It's been hard since she passed away. And the proximity of her passing is still quite fresh. And I think dwelling on it is hard for both of us. I've had three dreams where she came to visit me. I think it's because I can't put her memory down. Stuck walking this life with me because I'm frankly still hurting. A year since she passed is coming. I don't think that's the hardest part. I think Christmas is going to be hard. Last year, we all got to spend one last Christmas with her. And this one I'll be writing about her, in past tense and it's going to be hard. That is if I can pull myself up to doing it. But then there's this. I can write up a fiction piece. Chances are I'd end up using events from real life to disguise the truth. Then is that fiction? If I will myself to write the truth and be able to hide it as fiction. Again I'll be allowing myself to live a lie. Choices are so damn difficult!
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Jack BeaverhausenI am a contradiction! An artist with eclectic taste and blunt honesty! Archives
February 2011
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